Originally, I wasn’t going to use this picture for this post because I’m squinting from the bright sunlight and I’m not wearing my glasses (me not wearing glasses is very weird to me). However, I realized that being self-conscious to the point that I have to take down the picture goes against the fundamental message of this blog post: Openly accepting myself and my appearance primarily because certain young people are watching and hearing everything little thing I say or do.
Living a healthy lifestyle and eating a well balanced, nutrition packed diet is important for all of us; its something that we all agree on. For those of us that cope with chronic illness, I feel that its that much more important to take control of our eating habits. It was these thoughts and how I look in that aside photo are what prompted a conversation with my husband, Yonatan, about how I need to lose weight. The conversation continued on to include how I want to run as long as used to be able to and *hopefully* gain better control of my Fibromyalgia symptoms. The latter is not what two little ears overheard.
As mothers, we are never alone in our thoughts.
Barely a day later, my four year old Ichiban lifted her shirt, patted her belly and proclaimed with a sigh “I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT.” That has echoed in my brain since the moment it left her mouth up to now as I type this blog post. It felt like a “mom fail” moment.
I, of course, immediately corrected Ichiban; I encouraged her.
In reality, she is tall and lean and obviously oblivious to what her comment entailed. Nonetheless, I don’t want her conditioned to even be concerned about her weight. The fact that she repeated something I said was the wake-up bell I needed to hear. Not only do I need to be more accepting of myself where I am now as I journey back to where I need to be but I need to be much more vocal about how I am grateful for my body and all that it does and even how it looks. I want Ichiban to remember me as a positive, encouraging and confidant staple in her life. I also want her to aspire for those qualities, not “I’m not good enough… flaw… flaw… flaw…”